Purple State, USA

Scratch

I saw a movie years ago where a guy lost his wife and son in a car accident. The accident wasn't his fault but he was having a hard time moving forward despite that. More than a year after the fact his character was living in an apartment with no furniture or personal possessions of any kind, despite having settlement money from the accident. When he was confronted by a well-meaning friend who wondered why he was living in such a rudimentary way... He said something to the effect of, "Have you ever heard the saying, 'Starting from scratch?' Well, this is it. This is scratch."

I had something very valuable stolen from me this morning. Several very valuable things, but one thing in particular... my laptop. The contents of which were not completely backed up. One specific thing this man got--which he will likely never realize or appreciate--is the only copy of my next book. 200+ pages of a very personal endeavor. There were also pictures, code (I am a software developer) and other writing that is now utterly lost and completely irreplaceable.

You may wonder why I am reminded of the man in that movie at the loss of such an obviously material thing. But maybe you can understand that it's not the loss of the material thing that is devastating to me. It's the intangibles that were collected in that case of circuitry. We have had a lot to deal with lately--and have tried to take it with good grace--but it was those intangibles that finally had me pounding on my steering wheel this morning, crying hysterically and sobbing something to the effect of, "Come on!" to heaven or whoever might be listening.

I now have a new laptop. It's blank. Scratch. And that's pretty hurtful. It is in mint condition, faster than my old laptop and even looks sharper... but it is without those intangibles that made the original laptop so valuable. It might be hard for some to understand, but I am still reeling. Except I don't have time to reel. There is work to redo and get done, there are new pictures to take and new paragraphs to write.

I know sometimes it probably sounds as if I think I have all the answers, as if I am walking through this world with a barrel of sunshine and nothing but logic on my side. I'm not. I was screaming and crying in my car today, beating the steering wheel with tears running down my face. So trust when I say that I don't. But that I am trying, which I think is all any of us can do.

I would give quite a bit for the chance to go back to the moment I was walking into daycare oblivious to the man in that white car and his plan for those next moments. But that's not an option. Moving forward is the only option, even when it means starting from scratch.

We aren't defined by what happens to us, but by how we react to those things. How will we react to the things that come at us in the days and weeks ahead? Will we become victims of our circumstance or will we learn to rise above?

Me? I am trying to rise. But I will be the first to admit--and perhaps should admit more often--that it's not always easy. Or graceful. I believe, though, that it's the only way to prevent those who inflict harm on us from winning.

Self Control

This past week I read an article on CNN about activists who are displeased with KFC over their Pink "Buckets for the Cure" campaign. For those unfamiliar, KFC has pledged to donate fifty-cents from each bucket they sell to Susan G. Komen for the cure.

They are unhappy because KFC sells more than a few products that are less than healthy which can lead to obesity and other issues linked to an increased risk for cancer. You can read the entire article here. 

To an extent, I agree that the irony is a bit hard to ignore. My other thought, though, is that KFC could simply be doing nothing. They were going to sell buckets of chicken this year with or without helping Komen, so kudos to them for donating. It is more than they had to do. Period.

What really aggravates me about this article and others like it is the underlying message that it's somebody else's fault we are all so fat. If it's not the fault of the restaurants who sell unhealthy food, then maybe it's the fault of congress for letting them.

Shut up. I mean really. Shut up.

What about the right of fast food companies to expect we won't eat the entire bucket in a single sitting? The fact is, if these companies weren't making money selling those menu items with ludicrously high calorie\fat\sodium content, then they likely wouldn't be on the menu, would they? What about the right of congress to worry about things like national defense and national infrastructure without also being asked to regulate our waist lines?

I have actually lost a significant amount of weight in the past 1-1.5 years. People who notice often want to know what diet I went on. I call it the common sense diet. It goes something like this: I make sure I got off my butt for at least thirty minutes a day, regardless of how much work I have yet to do; I throw in fifteen minutes of weight lifting to tone the arms; I haven't stopped eating junk food, but I have started eating less of it. When I'm craving Taco Bell or curly fries from Arby's, I still go... I just don't feel the need to eat it all. I eat enough to take care of the craving and throw the rest away.

Here's the thing, guys. We are a free society. Why would we want or expect corporate America to be regulated into making decisions for us? Won't we be better off if we learn to control ourselves, before all these groups with really good intentions regulate every last Krispy Kreme off the map?

Now that... would be truly tragic.

How We Hurt Each Other

A double post this week, if you'll permit me...

I've heard it said that people can only hurt us if we let them. While I'm certain there are contexts in which this statement is brilliantly insightful, as a more generalized statement I find it to be crap. The unfortunate uncertainty about sharing our lives with other imperfect people is that we are bound to get hurt and to hurt others along the way. The only way to truly not get hurt is to refuse to share our lives and our experiences, but what would be the point of that?

Let me tell you how I failed this week.

First. I have a friend who left for Afghanistan last Wednesday. Though I'd made a trip to visit her a couple weeks ago and despite having that date burned into my head as unbelievably significant... somehow it wasn't until the actual day that I remembered she was deploying. I realized too late to call her, which is something I am certain she noticed and something I am certain hurt her in a way I didn't intend. Though my heart and my mind are with her, I get that my actions did not convey that.

Second. In my honest attempts to deal with some issues related to a very good friend of mine, I inadvertently put myself on the wrong side of the fence when he was hit by a proverbial train this week. It some ways, it underscores the concerns I'd had for quite awhile... but that doesn't lessen the fact that it hurts not to be able to help a friend and a family who so definitely deserve only happiness.

Fortunately, no single moment is the sum of any of our lives or relationships, though certainly there are moments when the trees in front of us overshadow the surrounding forest.

I know I could tie this to politics, as most posts on here strive to do, but I'll let you draw any parallels on your own at this point. For now, I want to tell you that I love these two friends and their families deeply. For next week, I am simply going to try to do better. I don't know if that will be enough, but it's all I can do... so I guess it will have to be.

Complicated People.

People complicate our lives. They bring with them their complexities, their flaws, their baggage. Sometimes they appear in our lives in a way that makes any complication associated with their arrival inconspicuous. Sometimes they come crashing in with such force we have no choice but to immediately contemplate the ramifications of their arrival.

I look around at all of us and, despite all my hopeful words, I admit that I sometimes wonder how the founding fathers really expected this all to work. Did they expect people different than us? Were they truly ignorant of all the pitfalls of freedom? Were they more idealistic than realistic? Instead of thanking them, should we blame them? For expecting more of such a diverse group than was truly practical?

As a handful of people already know, I bumped into the back of a man's car last night with my Jeep. I use the word bump because that's what it was. We were both stopped at a light to turn right, he started to go, his car died (or so he said) and my response wasn't quick enough to stop the light tap of our two cars touching. Given that the Jeep has a steel bumper on the front and his plastic bumper didn't have so much as a scratch, I take this as further evidence that I didn't imagine how trivial the contact was.

He made several statements that made the whole encounter shady (not the least of which was that his wife has apparently been rear-ended four times resulting in four major surgeries... now that's some bad luck), but I stood ready to be accountable. After all, it doesn't matter what happens, the law says my job is to not put myself in a position where I will hit the car in front of me. I didn't call the police--we were both out walking around--and handed over my insurance information.

I was still wary, so I called my insurance company as we left to give them the 411 on some of the suspicious statements the man made "just in case"... Then today they called to say that he told them I rear-ended him twice and they suspect he's laying the groundwork to make this a big deal.

*sigh*

Complicated.

We live in a society that grows resentful of how much the government has to intervene in our lives, of the cost to insure not just our health but the many trinkets we own... yet what else can we do as individuals when a few others choose not to play by the same principles the rest of us would judge as fair?

That old man is no doubt telling himself he's not hurting me, or you, or anyone but some faceless company. But that's bullshit. Wherever his sense of entitlement or lack of moral scruples originates from, it's people like him that make it all but impossible to live in a free society. Who protects the people trying to do the right thing? Who foots the monetary and emotional costs associated with that? We all do.

I don't like everyone, but I seldom feel true contempt for anyone. Mr. K, I know you don't give a damn from your twisted-the-world-owes-me-something-for-nothing view, but I feel contempt for you. For you and for those like you who make it harder and harder for people in this country to continue to do the right thing lest they be taken advantage of. You are a sad and pathetic excuse for a human being, much less an American.  

(Purple State, USA, has expanded! You can also check us out on OpinionEditorial.com!)

The Myth of Robin Hood

The legendary story of Robin Hood is that of a man who stole from an authoritarian government money and items of value it had taken from its people. He then gave it back to those it rightfully belonged to. His actions, given the situation, are admirable. What I find unfortunate is that the story has lost context in the minds of many and simply been translated to: the rich are bad and corrupt, while the poor are good and more deserving.

I've been without money. I can remember counting pennies to buy a bag of Cheetos as my food for the day, washing my hair in fast food restaurant sinks and reading at Barnes & Noble until it closed at 11 PM on hot, summer nights so that the car I was sleeping in would have an opportunity to cool off at least enough to be bearable. I can remember sleeping in the driver's seat, keys in the ignition and utility knife in hand--just in case the wrong person might wake me up--on those nights so sweltering I had to leave the windows down.

Some have mistakenly assumed that my own history might lead me to accept the more generalized summary of Robin Hood. It does not.

You see, we don't live in an authoritarian state. We live in a land of tremendous opportunity. People often believe these to be pretty words for patriotic songs--but I have seen it with my own eyes. As a foster child and senior in high school, I sat in a classroom of my peers and watched them all ignore a man talking to us about an opportunity to try whatever career we might have an interest in, regardless of experience level. They ignored him. I walked up afterward and spoke to him, finding my first job in the IT industry and my way around the fact I couldn't afford college at that time.

I think of those peers whenever anyone tries to tell me that I somehow owe more to them because I make more. I think, "Why?" They were sitting there too. Why do the choices I made--the hard work, the long nights I made through with sheer will, fueled by no incentive but my hunger to be better--mean that I owe anyone anything? Why does it mean anyone with a similar story owes anything to those who simply chose a different road?

We've talked about the slippery slope of America before. I believe it is essential to a civilized society to treat each other with dignity and respect. I believe that we have a moral responsibility to take care of those who cannot take care of themselves. I also believe if someone has consciously decided that they don't want to do that--don't want to work or re-train themselves for a job more in demand, that if they have decided they would rather do nothing--then there the burden on the rest of us should end. No where in any document on which this country was founded does it say it is our job to take care of those who are simply too lazy or unmotivated to take care of themselves.

I have kept an open mind about the health care bill, but when a friend told me about a version that suggests we all pay a portion of our yearly income as premiums I almost choked on such a socialistic notion. Yet it occurs to me that my choking may be a bit late... After all, aren't we already doing that with income taxes? Our government certainly needs money to undertake all that we task it with... but is there truly no better way than by punishing the most prosperous--and often also the most innovative and productive--among us?

The Problem with Independence.

Independence isn't just a nice catchphrase associated with the United States. It also happens to be the name of the city I live in. Though not well known outside our local area--despite being home to President Truman back in the day--I happen to like this "little" city that I call home. It is rich in history and has made excellent strides at revitalization and at bringing new businesses in during the past couple of decades.

Last week we had an election. A single item on the ballot. At issue was whether or not to increase sales tax by 3/8 cents to pay for some extra police officers and support staff. It ended up not passing.

The final tally had the result split as 40% in favor, 60% opposed, with apx 9500 people voting. What's troubling about this result is that--according to the 2000 census--the population in Independence is 113,288... which leaves one skeptical whether the outcome of the vote had anything to do with the will of the majority of the population. In fact, the only thing it seems to clearly indicate about the majority of Independence is that, at best, they didn't have time and, at worst, they just didn't care. Everyone I have spoken with says they didn't show up because they figured it would pass.

Everyone I have spoken with says they didn't show up because they figured it would pass.

Independence is a great "little" town... but it also has its blighted areas and only recently has it managed to rid itself of its "meth-capital of the country" designation. So my question is, do we know who those 5,500+ who voted "no" last Tuesday are? And, without that knowledge, are we absolutely certain we are wise to let their voices speak in place of our own?

The next night, from one of the less desirable areas in our city, a news channel reported on a park that has a problem with ultimate fighting gangs. The neighbors want it to stop, they complain that the police don't respond quickly enough. I couldn't help but wonder how many of them were at the polls the day before. It seems odds are good none of them bothered to show up. Why do we complain of being powerless when so often we don't even exercise the power we do have? 

Of course, it would be remiss of me not to point out--before any of the rest of you start feeling too smug about yourselves or your cities--that the civic trend in Independence last Tuesday is hardly the exception to the rule on how involved most of us do (or don't) get in our local governments.

Your city or town or county has likely had an election since the one most of us remember so vividly and lined up for so patriotically last November. If you're shocked to hear that, you're probably already in trouble, so do yourself a favor and do some quick research... When was your last election? What was up for a vote? How many in your population were present (xx of xx)? What has to happen before it matters enough that the rest of us start showing up thoughtfully and reliably?

God Bless Accountability.

Here's a question: if there was a daily pill you could take to insure you keep a desirable weight, mental agility and emotional stableness--regardless of how you choose to live--would you take it?

Imagine... Eat all the junk food you want, and you will never get fat. Deprive your body of sleep, yet your ability to function will not be impaired. Have that hot guy/girl you are dating inform you that they never want to see you again, and you will respond with a cool and rational reply that will leave them regretting their decision at the same time as keeping your mental and emotional well-being intact. Sounds kind of appealing, doesn't it?

It might not be too far off. I heard on the news a couple of days ago that scientists are working to emulate the long term health benefits of severe calorie restriction (SCR) in a pill. If they are successful, then the day may eventually come when the less disciplined among us can have the potential benefits of this lifestyle without any--well--discipline. If you look at SCR closely, what you'll see is that these people are actually eating a lot of RHS*, which I'm sure isn't related at all.

So what science (and our doctors) are pretty much doing is giving up on any of us ever listening to the "you need to eat\live better" lectures and trying to save us with medicine. God bless them for their persistence because heaven knows they are often trying harder than we are. That news blurb, in fact, reminded me of those kind scientists who created the FDA-approved diet pills to prevent our bodies from absorbing up to half the fat we eat. 

Along those same lines, does anyone know someone in our over-stimulated, somewhat frenzied suddenly-needs-more-sleeping-pills-to-slow-down society with a caffeine addiction? I would raise my hand except I'm busy typing this blog and don't want to risk knocking my 20oz bottle of Coke over with any hasty movements. Some statistics say that up to 90% of Americans have an addiction to caffeine (not me, I can quit anytime).

I am not a health food nut, nor do I believe all medication is evil. I think food has to be handled with moderation, as an emaciated-protein-starved-health-food-nazi does as little for me as his obese cousin at the other end of the spectrum. When it comes to medicine, I would prefer to see scientists working to cure cancer or advance science in ways other than trying to come up with drugs to help us lead less responsible lives. It is the underlying message of this form of science that disturbs me. It seems to hint that maybe none of us have to be accountable for anything because medicine will fix whatever we screw up, instead of requiring the mental fortitude to fix it ourselves.

I will admit, the idea seems nice on the surface, but then aren't we just making ourselves slaves to these things? To whatever drug company makes whatever the latest miracle pill is, to whatever side effects might not even be known yet, to withdrawal if we have to go without it? Shouldn't we be a little more careful about the things in our lives that we grant that kind of power to? People used to rely on drugs as an absolute last resort. Isn't it the ultimate form of defeat and depravity as human beings to say that we won't even exercise control or restraint over the only thing we have complete control over--ourselves?

*really healthy stuff

To the Dismay of the Introvert in Me.

I had an individual comment to me a few weeks ago that I must be "really into politics." It was the first time anyone has made that observation. I surprised us both by answering sincerely that I'm not.

In fact, for those who don't know me that well, I would rather spend my time on endeavors far less paradoxical than the current political environment of our country. The reality is that the introvert in me is always a bit pissed when the extrovert in me doesn't permit us to live in the relative peace and predictability that it prefers.

I went on to explain to this individual that I wrote Common Sense from the Purple State because I believe too many people--such as my more introverted self--aren't talking about what we desperately need to be talking about. They are hoping and expecting that it will turn out fine because in their everyday lives they are surrounded by intelligent, common sense sort of people... the same intelligent, common sense sort of people who--like them--are also too busy being prolific members of society to be bothered by the white noise of our political system.

I know a man who started a company years ago. He took an idea he had, risked his own money, devised his own plan... and through painstaking perseverance and more than a few sleepless nights, he turned that company into a multi-billion dollar firm. This was a man who possessed the kind of qualities most of us would hope our own children would emulate. What he didn't possess, though, was the time to get involved with our government on any level. As a result, he found himself subject to the taxes and the legislation of people with--in my opinion--half the intelligence of him, simply because he was too busy, too tired or too confused to pay attention.

Can you imagine a country where the only thing the people not making money--not innovating, not pouring their own sweat and blood into making a living--have to figure out is how to tax everyone who is so that they can benefit? As we strive to become productive members of society--at the same time accumulating debt, paying taxes most of us are only vaguely aware the destination of--are we so sure it hasn't already happened?

I am tired of politics as well. I am often confounded that it takes paragraphs to spell out legislation that requires only a sentence. I would like very much to retire to the beachfront or a quiet mountain and rid myself of all of it. The problem is, I always think of that man, of everyone I have known with a story similar to his. And I think, if we don't speak, if we stand by and we don't at least present our version of reality, then aren't we as much to blame--for doing nothing--as those drilling the hole in the bottom of the ship? Why do we assume they have the good sense to stop before sinking us all?

If we aren't talking, who is? And, in the absence of our voices, why shouldn't our children, outsiders, those easily influenced, listen to the voices of anyone else who might be speaking, regardless of whether they are spewing fact or fiction?

I believe silence can often be the most risky and damaging proposition of all. For now, that is why--at least in my case--the extrovert is trumping the would-just-as-soon-sit-quietly-by introvert.