Purple State, USA

This Soldier I Know.

When I first met Abby* I was around 22-years-old. I was only a year or two older than she is now. She was a cute, outgoing 12-year-old; the younger cousin of a friend I'd had since the age of 15. We were at her younger brother's baseball game and she begged for a ride in my new sports car. I proudly obliged. 

After the game, she made a point to tell me that she and I should go hang out sometime. With a bit of a shy side myself, I was impressed by her tenacity. I told her we would and I made sure we did. 

When I picked her up for our outing, she was talkative and friendly. However, as we got out of the car and walked toward the restaurant, she got noticeably quiet, obviously worried. I asked what was up. She said, "I don't think I have the money to pay for this."

I was stunned. I had never met a kid who didn't take for granted the adult in the situation was going to take care of them.

I learned a lot about Abby over the years. I learned she had a tough childhood, that she'd had to grow up too fast. I watched her live in uncertainty, instability and near homelessness. I witnessed her struggle to remain positive, and hopeful, and kind despite circumstances that were anything but ideal and far from her control.

Abby is leaving for Afghanistan in the next few weeks. She will be gone a year at a time when we, as citizens, are being warned that we are not going to like the death toll in the fight ahead of us as we struggle to assist that country.

I have shared with you about Abby as a person. There are also things to know about her as a soldier: she's smart, and loyal, and strong. You don't know her, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that she'd have your back if you ever needed it. She strives to improve, to learn, to make her world and the world of those around her better. There isn't a child in our country or another she won't stop to assist, there isn't a man or woman of any nationality she won't listen to, there isn't a fellow soldier who can't count on her for anything they might need.  

Oh, yeah. When she dates, she prefers women to men. But really. Who cares?

*name changed for privacy

There are days...

There are days that make us question our core beliefs; days that make our hearts ache and threaten to break our spirits. On those days, it's hard to remember why we started or even where we thought we were going. Today is one of those days for us.

About six months ago you might remember a baby girl named Jovi joining our family. She has grown into a beautiful, happy little girl.Today we were devastated to learn that she may be leaving us at some point in the near future. This was not the future we hoped for. These are not the things we dreamed of.

It is tempting to get angry, to say... "I wish I'd never known anything that could cause me to suffer this much..." I have choked on rage and sadness today, self-doubt and self-pity. And I can tell you. This place is so dark. But I know I would walk it a hundred times for a little girl as beautiful and as special as Jovi.

If the day does come when we have to say our good-byes... hopefully I will be able to realize that the question isn't why we weren't able to keep her forever, but how we ever got lucky enough to have met her at all. We have been blessed to bear witness to her life this past half-year.

We wouldn't trade one moment. And we will cherish every moment remaining.

One Size Fits All?

I was at Victoria's Secret the other day when I heard a saleswoman tell a customer to "come check out our new one-size-fits-all thong."

*blink*

It took quite a bit of restraint to keep me from doing a one-eighty to see what sort of miracle garment this must be. I hope the customer didn't fall for it, though she timidly trailed the saleslady out of the part of the store I was standing in.

From a retail perspective, I understand how a one-size-fits-all society would be easier to serve. If everyone wanted a pink, padded push-up and a pink thong in the same size, there would be no need to stress about surplus stock when the lime-green-purple-polka-dot-with-blue-lace-trim underpants never catch on with the size 4 crowd.

What I really wonder is why the rest of us want so badly to be one-size-fits-all. I get that on the surface most of us would say we don't and rattle off a list of our lovable differences... but on some fundamental level a lot of us do. In a country and a world where we are often directly or indirectly told how to think, act and look, many of us shun or strive to change those parts of us that aren't in line with the rest.

This is despite the fact history will show us that many of the greatest and most influential people were often considered, well... very odd. Some of them weren't good students. A lot of them didn't have perfect physiques. Many struggled with anxiety, depression or hyper-activity. A number held a view of the world different than those around them. More than we realize were deemed failures before they were recognized for whatever extraordinary success we remember them for.

Einstein, Mozart, Jefferson, Lincoln, Bill Gates, Angelina Jolie, Stephen King... These are all individuals with extraordinary accomplishments in their respective lives and fields, yet even they--perhaps especially they--did not or do not conform to the one-size-should-fit-all views constantly pushed on us as a society.

I had a family member years ago that was always very down on me. She wanted me to be less "sensitive" to the world around me, less aware. I understand that this was her way of wishing to protect me from the pain that sensitivity and awareness can cause. The problem was, the person she wanted me to be simply wasn't me. We both tried--because I had much love and respect for her--to make me that person, but it shouldn't be surprising that ultimately we failed. Ironically, those same traits she worried would only burden me have also become some of my greatest strengths.

Equality is about how we treat people. It was never meant to turn us into mirror images of each other. Our diversity as a nation is our strength. We do it better than most countries...despite the squabbles and tension, despite the dismay the Victoria's Secret customer may have felt when the one-size-fits-all thong didn't fit her (honey, it doesn't fit anyone). We do it because some occasions and people simply call for lime-green-purple-polka-dot-with-blue-lace-trim underpants.

Thank heavens, though, and God bless America, right? Because life is simply much more interesting with those people among us.

A Well Regulated Militia

I pulled the trigger on the 9mm and watched as the bullet shot straight through the heart of the man in front of me. I was pleased with myself. Relieved. I removed the magazine, checked the chamber and set the gun down.

Laws were never made for law-abiding citizens. Government never became too big in a society of entirely intelligent, self-sufficient individuals. We have laws to control the less sensible among us; government programs and restrictions to try to mitigate their negative impact on the rest of us.

I am a firm believer in the right to own a firearm, as well as to carry it concealed where permitted. I believe, at the same time, that some of our laws aren't tough enough. I was surprised, for instance, to find that a concealed carry endorsement in most states only takes showing the ability to shoot a human silhouette target from several yards away. No time restraints, no pressure... nothing like the situations that would justify most concealed carry holders pulling their gun from its holster. Even as a gun owner (and holding a concealed carry endorsement), I concede that makes me nervous.

The second amendment explicitly states "a well regulated militia"--refuting the arguments of those who might assert that our constitution gives anyone the right to bear arms without taxes, training or oversight. I believe anyone who carries a firearm in public should have to go through training closer to what our police officers go through. Shooting a target thousands of times perfectly has been proven to still make most individuals ill-equipped to handle being confronted by a maniac waving a gun and souped up on twenty kinds of crazy.

All of that said, I will take the laws as they are--and make certain I have more extensive training than is required--rather than accept any law that removes my right to own or carry a gun.

The man in the first paragraph was made of paper. I tell my son constantly that we don't shoot people, only targets. I hope I can go to my grave (at an old age) without either of us or anyone close to us having to experience the exception to that rule. In the meantime, however, I feel fortunate our forefathers have left those discussions and decisions to me, my family and to us as American citizens. 

A friend told me that--where he lives--it is not permissible to shoot anyone, ever... but that in attempts to save one's life, the courts are typically lenient. Typically. I am glad that my country and my state do not leave that gray area. Yes, if you are coming at me to attack me, harm me, rape me, kill me... odds of me shooting myself in the foot have just gone up, odds of you taking the gun and using it against me have just gone up... but so have my odds of walking away unharmed.

I confess. I still prefer those odds.