Angry People Piss Me Off.

A friend I haven't spoken with in awhile reminded me today of a confrontation I had with the restaurant owner of a Mexican dive in our area ("dive" being my very biased opinion based primarily on the story I am about to share). My co-workers and I would often go there and we almost always left with one quirky story or another... food ordered but only partially delivered... the day we and the rest of the restaurant sat hungrily--gradually realizing that no food was coming out of the kitchen--until 30 minutes later when food began reappearing with no explanation for the delay... things like that. Most of us were relatively laid back people, so these stories mostly turned into entertaining debacles rather than anything any of us would consider worth the extra energy true agitation or anger would have required.

Then one day we were all there for some significant gathering--a going away or a birthday or something to that effect. We were all paying separately (it was a cheap company) and the waitress was aggravated by that fact given the size of our group. I gave her my card to pay for my food and someone else's. When she came back, she informed me that she'd forgotten to add something so the total on the bill was about $10 more and she had already run the card for the new amount. Which was really fine. Really it was. It did strike me as odd, however, that she didn't say something before doing that, so I mentioned to her that I would have preferred to be notified of the error before she ran my card for an amount different than the one I had reviewed and accepted when I handed it to her.

I saw this as a helpful suggestion. She, apparently, saw it as an affront to some core moral principle that I have yet to guess the origin of. Accordingly, she snapped something back at me. Surprised by the unexpected confrontation, I found myself propelled down the path of trying to explain to her that I wasn't upset but that it simply seemed like the prudent thing to do. She was stuck on the fact I had to pay regardless of what the amount was and I wouldn't, in fact, have used a different method of payment. I was stuck on the fact she couldn't have known that without asking me.

I really hate miscommunications. There is just some fundamental part of me that rejects the idea we aren't all capable of interacting on a reasonably civil and intelligent level (and, in all fairness, this part of me is often disappointed). So after she walked away I concluded that maybe I had unintentionally come off wrong in my initial response, sending us reeling down this road of the stressful and absurd. So I, the customer, walked over to her--away from the eyes of my co-workers and everyone else--and told her I hoped I hadn't come off wrong, that I had just been trying to provide a helpful suggestion in the event someone else would need to know about that extra $10 before having their card charged.

Let's just say that didn't work either. At that point, my good nature was at its limit and I asked to speak to a manager. She told me smugly that she was the owner. Which. I'm not sure what she hoped that proved, because even Castro and Hitler run\ran countries... being in power doesn't necessarily make a person any less of an ignorant dope, as most companies in America can readily attest to. Her revelation, however, did effectively end any hope of clearing up the situation, so we left. I have never been back.

For the record, I believe I was right, though mostly because she couldn't offer me a view to counter my own. The more rationally and calmly I tried to explain my perspective, the angrier she became.

My being right doesn't matter, of course, because being right in our society often doesn't mean anything except we are supposed to feel apologetic to anyone who might feel bad for being wrong. Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe she was just overwhelmed... yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm that person with that voice in my head too. I can empathize and I have no doubt pooed on someone else's rainbow in the midst of my own bad days.

That said. Consider the conversations we are trying to have as a country. Consider how many of us are angry and yelling and it doesn't matter what anyone says, we can't stop. We can't listen. We can't risk granting even one concession, lest it all snowball into something terrible. The most terrifying thing about the health care debate isn't what a tremendous decision it is for ourselves and our children, but the fact we can't even calm down long enough to discuss it rationally.

What does it say about us as a country that we're often too busy to slow down, set aside our preconceived notions for a moment and just really listen to each other? What hope do our children have of learning to be better people if we can't even set a decent example of how to do that?

Comments

[Nick Lewis]

I am glad you said something about this, Juli. I thought it was only me. I can't stand seeing those town hall meetings where everyone is yelling and threatening each other... it got so out of hand.

[Daniel]

So many people who could have benefited from those meetings likely avoided them because of the theatrics and drama--it's sad.

[Tracy]

Speaking of health care, when are we going to talk about _that_ topic here? ;)

[Juli]

It's coming, I promise. Let's just say there is a lot--to say the least--of research involved.
;-)

[Mark A]

Those town hall meetings made me crazy! I couldn't quite put my finger on why.. but I think you've hit the nail on the head. We need to learn to shut up and listen to each other once in awhile!