Purple State, USA

One Year.

So, here we are. The commitment to this blog was for a year. As of this month, a year after the first post about the riots in Iran, we have officially made it!

It is astounding to contemplate all I didn't know at this time last year. We were about to welcome a new daughter, new friends were made, old friends rediscovered and existing relationships redefined. There was inspiration for a new book, a new company and more than one new direction (as well as a few u-turns and more than one circle).

I won't say it was a flawless trip around the sun, but it was certainly a worthwhile one. I learned... and realized I still have much left to learn.

This blog has been an enjoyable part of the past year. I thank each of you for taking this journey with me. Your emails and comments--ranging from funny to sad, inspirational to angry--have been both entertaining and enlightening. Thank you for thinking enough of me to share your time and your thoughts.

Before putting this blog to rest, let me post a few closing thoughts I have related to the things I have learned or been reminded of this year:

Figure out how to be happy... not superficial happy or stupid happy or ignorant happy, but the kind of happy that brings you peace no matter how trying the circumstance.

Don't be afraid of questions--your own or anyone else's.

If you want change, start with yourself.

Don't be scared to think.

Be brave enough to go against the flow for the things you believe in.

Don't believe in everything.

Choose your battles wisely, but once you choose them, fight passionately.

Realize that failure is an inevitable part of each of our journeys, so don't be afraid of it. Instead, learn from it, even enjoy it.

Remember that the majority of people are good... and likely just as thrilled, confused and devastated by this world as any of us. Any conversation that can begin with those things in mind is a conversation that can often prove productive for all parties.

That's it. Feel free to continue to email--Purple State things still interest me. Check out my new book (Baby Girl) when it comes out later this year.

Most importantly, take good care of each other. ;)

Juli

Scratch

I saw a movie years ago where a guy lost his wife and son in a car accident. The accident wasn't his fault but he was having a hard time moving forward despite that. More than a year after the fact his character was living in an apartment with no furniture or personal possessions of any kind, despite having settlement money from the accident. When he was confronted by a well-meaning friend who wondered why he was living in such a rudimentary way... He said something to the effect of, "Have you ever heard the saying, 'Starting from scratch?' Well, this is it. This is scratch."

I had something very valuable stolen from me this morning. Several very valuable things, but one thing in particular... my laptop. The contents of which were not completely backed up. One specific thing this man got--which he will likely never realize or appreciate--is the only copy of my next book. 200+ pages of a very personal endeavor. There were also pictures, code (I am a software developer) and other writing that is now utterly lost and completely irreplaceable.

You may wonder why I am reminded of the man in that movie at the loss of such an obviously material thing. But maybe you can understand that it's not the loss of the material thing that is devastating to me. It's the intangibles that were collected in that case of circuitry. We have had a lot to deal with lately--and have tried to take it with good grace--but it was those intangibles that finally had me pounding on my steering wheel this morning, crying hysterically and sobbing something to the effect of, "Come on!" to heaven or whoever might be listening.

I now have a new laptop. It's blank. Scratch. And that's pretty hurtful. It is in mint condition, faster than my old laptop and even looks sharper... but it is without those intangibles that made the original laptop so valuable. It might be hard for some to understand, but I am still reeling. Except I don't have time to reel. There is work to redo and get done, there are new pictures to take and new paragraphs to write.

I know sometimes it probably sounds as if I think I have all the answers, as if I am walking through this world with a barrel of sunshine and nothing but logic on my side. I'm not. I was screaming and crying in my car today, beating the steering wheel with tears running down my face. So trust when I say that I don't. But that I am trying, which I think is all any of us can do.

I would give quite a bit for the chance to go back to the moment I was walking into daycare oblivious to the man in that white car and his plan for those next moments. But that's not an option. Moving forward is the only option, even when it means starting from scratch.

We aren't defined by what happens to us, but by how we react to those things. How will we react to the things that come at us in the days and weeks ahead? Will we become victims of our circumstance or will we learn to rise above?

Me? I am trying to rise. But I will be the first to admit--and perhaps should admit more often--that it's not always easy. Or graceful. I believe, though, that it's the only way to prevent those who inflict harm on us from winning.

Remembering the Fallen

Sun shining. Floating on a raft. Kids playing in the lake. Friends and family laughing. Picnics. Trophies for horseshoe contests. 4-wheelers and golf carts taking people from one gathering to another, waving at stranger or friend as they pass. Legend of a naked friend--having had perhaps one too many--going down a metal slide into the lake (no, the kids did not see--yes, I believe he regretted it lol). All of it surrounded by miles of open country, land most of these individuals are careful stewards of.

Can I tell you I celebrated this Memorial Day weekend with more thoughtful respect to our fallen soldiers than most Americans? That I paused to conciously consider the staggering number of individuals who have sacrificed for this country? Maybe not. But I can tell you that my eyes lingered a bit on the American flag each time it crossed my sight, that in the midst of the fun I found myself filled with gratitude. For this land, this life and these people.

So, floating on this raft, I pulled out my phone to share it with you. To all of our fallen soldiers and to every individual who has given and continues to give so much to make this country the wonderfully perfect, imperfect place that it is... We remember your sacrifice and we thank you.

Differing Opinions

I grew up in a primarily neutral world--the bright and ostentatious as socially unacceptable as the dark and morose. Emotions--good and bad--were to be tempered at all costs. It was about tradition, the status quo, the appearance. Not asking too many questions. Fitting in. An unspoken fear of different views, different opinions. It wasn't, Why don't they believe as we do? It was, What's wrong with them that they don't believe as we do?

Fortunately, I was so bad at living this way that by the time I was sixteen I had a new world. Of course, it didn't seem fortunate at the time. It was blinding and overwhelming, unfamiliar and scary. It was full of sights, sounds, people--ideas--that my previous existence would not have tolerated.

It changed me. Mostly for the better. I gained knowledge. And found respect. I learned not to be afraid of existence at any spectrum. Life is a persistent, giving force no matter where you find it. It should be embraced, felt, lived. It is possible to get lost in profound joy and devastating pain without losing sight of ourselves. It is possible to debate and compromise without it turning the entire world upside down.

The most significant thing I learned, though, is that there is only one truly reprehensible individual... the one who has no opinion at all. The people who aren't searching or thinking or seeing... they are the ones who do the most harm.

Show me a man angrily waving a gun next to a man looking apathetically the other way and ask me which one I think is, ultimately, the most dangerous. It is--hands down--the latter. The man who cannot bring himself to care, to form an opinion, to take a stand. He will always be subject to the men who do. He will never learn from them or be better for knowing them... or teach them or make them better for knowing him. He has stopped. He is weak and repulsive.

If we find ourselves on opposite sides of a debate, let me start by saying that no matter how vehemently we may disagree--thank heavens you have cared enough to show up, to form an opinion. The idea that we must agree in order to respect each other is misguided at best. At worst--and more often--, it is outright detrimental.

We grow through the intellectual, sometimes passionate, exchange of thoughts and ideas. Next time you meet someone with an opinion different than yours, how about consciously getting excited? After all, in front of you both is an opportunity to learn something new. Embrace it.

Arizona's Problem

Arizona has come under quite a bit of fire for its recent stance on illegal immigration. The law specifically under scrutiny is one that gives law enforcement officials the right to demand to see an individual's immigration papers if they appear to be in the United States illegally. The concern with this law is that it could lead to racial profiling. In hopes of curbing that, the law was recently amended to clarify that only people stopped or arrested for another reason can be questioned about their immigration status. Still, concern and opposition exist.

In addition, the federal government is now thinking maybe it needs to sue Arizona. Hello, Federal Government, where have you been all this time? I can only assume the real motivation for such an action would be anger over the fact Arizona obviously decided it was done waiting for congress to do something about the sticky issue of illegal immigration...

I read the law getting so much coverage in Arizona. Does it have the ability to be abused by the wrong individuals? Yes. If it is abused, should the full force of every civil rights law come down on the heads of whoever is foolish enough to abuse it? Absolutely. Does it mean Arizona is wrong to try to protect its citizens where the same federal government now threatening to sue them has failed? No.

To be clear, I don't believe in discrimination in any form. I believe that individuals should be judged by what's in their hearts and their heads, not by outward appearance. I know and work with plenty of legal immigrants that our country is better off for due to their presence. Honestly, though,--news media and activist spin aside--I don't believe Arizona set out to write a law to discriminate against anyone.

Yes, the fact is that most individuals entering this country via our southern border are Hispanic, but I believe this law would have been written if they were purple aliens from another planet. Perhaps I am naive, but I believe the law in question was enacted for one very sincere reason... to deal with the fact there are valid reasons not to permit individuals to enter this country illegally.

We are a sensitive society. We have been taught to ignore statistics rather than risk hurting someone's feeling by acknowledging their reality. Statistically speaking? Arizona has a problem with illegal immigrants. Statistically speaking, odds are great Arizona's southern border is being disproportionately used--or could be used--as an entry point for illegal drugs, workers or terrorists.

I don't live in Arizona, but let me assure you that if I see someone sneaking into my house or onto my property--no matter what color of the rainbow they may be--I will demand to know by what right they enter. They have minutes to show me their badge or some document certifying their right to be in my home before I take matters into my own hands. If they are lucky, that means before I call the police to come collect them. Why doesn't Arizona have that same right? Why doesn't every state shouldering the extra burden of trying to help secure this country's border?

Leave Arizona alone. Let it deal with the repercussions of its laws and amend its laws as its citizens see fit. After all, where is the federal legislation on this? We've been hearing about it for a long time. Everyone agrees it's a problem. If someone else--the federal government or another state--has a better idea for immigration reform, then how about they also quit talking and do something?

Arizona finally quit talking. Good for them. And, as a citizen of the United States, let me also say thank you, Arizona. Thank you for finally having the guts to take this situation seriously.

Self Control

This past week I read an article on CNN about activists who are displeased with KFC over their Pink "Buckets for the Cure" campaign. For those unfamiliar, KFC has pledged to donate fifty-cents from each bucket they sell to Susan G. Komen for the cure.

They are unhappy because KFC sells more than a few products that are less than healthy which can lead to obesity and other issues linked to an increased risk for cancer. You can read the entire article here. 

To an extent, I agree that the irony is a bit hard to ignore. My other thought, though, is that KFC could simply be doing nothing. They were going to sell buckets of chicken this year with or without helping Komen, so kudos to them for donating. It is more than they had to do. Period.

What really aggravates me about this article and others like it is the underlying message that it's somebody else's fault we are all so fat. If it's not the fault of the restaurants who sell unhealthy food, then maybe it's the fault of congress for letting them.

Shut up. I mean really. Shut up.

What about the right of fast food companies to expect we won't eat the entire bucket in a single sitting? The fact is, if these companies weren't making money selling those menu items with ludicrously high calorie\fat\sodium content, then they likely wouldn't be on the menu, would they? What about the right of congress to worry about things like national defense and national infrastructure without also being asked to regulate our waist lines?

I have actually lost a significant amount of weight in the past 1-1.5 years. People who notice often want to know what diet I went on. I call it the common sense diet. It goes something like this: I make sure I got off my butt for at least thirty minutes a day, regardless of how much work I have yet to do; I throw in fifteen minutes of weight lifting to tone the arms; I haven't stopped eating junk food, but I have started eating less of it. When I'm craving Taco Bell or curly fries from Arby's, I still go... I just don't feel the need to eat it all. I eat enough to take care of the craving and throw the rest away.

Here's the thing, guys. We are a free society. Why would we want or expect corporate America to be regulated into making decisions for us? Won't we be better off if we learn to control ourselves, before all these groups with really good intentions regulate every last Krispy Kreme off the map?

Now that... would be truly tragic.

Rethinking... Loyalty

Purple State will be back to it's regular programming this weekend (yes, yes... comments and all ;-)).

In the meantime, be sure to check out Rethinking...! This is where we're going to discuss issues still very much inline with the common sense\Purple State view, but which might lack some of the political angle the majority of Purple State readers prefer.

I told you. You ask, and you shall receive. Enjoy! ;-)

Messy People.

By the time I followed Tiffany* out of the restaurant the middle toe on my right foot was throbbing. I had no idea what had happened. I only knew that it definitely hadn't hurt when I walked in and sat down at the table. On any other day such an inexplicable injury might have caused me greater contemplation, but on this day--at the end of the last series of days--it didn't seem that unusual.

Tiffany and I first corresponded via email in late February. From then until the Friday before meeting, we hadn't communicated. Friday I received an email that had something to do with her current boyfriend. I didn't know him, but an odd series of incredible, twisting coincidences proved our paths were more intertwined than either of us first suspected. At the realization, we decided we should meet in person.

It was an interesting discussion. In fact, I have had several interesting discussions of all different types with many different individuals lately. Here's what I've learned: People are messy.

Tiffany* sat across from what most would have termed a stranger and shared a few of her biggest fears. Some would criticize her for being so vulnerable so soon. But if you look closer, you see she's just a person doing the hard work of trying to find the answers to her questions. 

I have a friend whose divorce after many years of marriage will be final next week. He will tell you that he's "happy" but lost. It might sound like a line until you look closer and realize that he is.

Jake* will tell you all about the job he loves, but that he feels conflicted considering the long hours it demands.

Nikki* will candidly admit that she has unexpected questions about religious beliefs she has held for a lifetime.

Brett* will share with you that he wonders whether he has the strength to continue the grueling fight for more time with his kids.

Sonja* struggles to balance what she wants with the prudence her mind demands.

Messy people indeed. It turns out, however, that I love messy people. They are about the only kind of people worth knowing.

There are individuals and countries content with the status quo; content to sit on their bums each day and let the minutes tick by mindlessly. Messy people want that life until they get it, at which point they realize there's a reason they weren't created as trees.

These people--these wonderful, skeptical, thinking people--are the consequence and the children of freedom. Authoritarian governments do not encourage their minions to ask questions; religious fanatics do not tolerate the curious inquiries of their followers. Our government may not always encourage or like our questions, but it protects our right to ask them. Most of us have been fortunate to grow up taking for granted our right to--as Albert Einstein so eloquently put it--"question everything."

Questions encourage messiness, disorder, at times even chaos, but my belief is that the forefathers understood these moments to be opportunities, necessary catalysts to progress. The first man to ask himself, "What if the boat doesn't fall off the edge of the earth at the horizon?" was the first person to start the world down the path of greater understanding, though he likely appeared to be little more than a suicidal lunatic as he raised his sail for that first journey.

That's why, in the midst of the mess, it's important to be patient with each other; to recognize the difference between those intending malice with their words or actions and those legitimately striving to think and to understand. The latter are the people most likely to take their introspection and move themselves, along with their country, forward. Indeed, they are the only type of people who ever have.

If nothing else, they deserve our respect. They pay a price for their efforts, and we as a society owe them a debt for it. We should give them all the encouragement we can, while also seeking to question and to understand for ourselves.

*names changed for privacy

Whatever You Do.

"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but
it is very important that you do it."

-Gandhi

Today we remember those who lost their lives
during the April 19, 1995, terrorist attack in Oklahoma City.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I was recently reminded of some challenging circumstances I faced early in my life. Nothing scandalous--at least not to most--but certainly also not among my proudest moments. I have empathy for the girl who walked the road she did and I believe she has turned that road into something good. 

There are people, though, who want to define us by our failures, our mistakes, our weaknesses. No matter how far beyond them--above them--we eventually lift ourselves, there are people who want to pull us back. They confuse our willingness to admit our mistakes as an admission that we are no better than however those lapses in judgment might paint us. As imperfection isn't an accusation many of us can refute, it can be difficult to see beyond those distorted views.

I have a picture in my mind of this country. A country that is a living, breathing organism. To be precise... A country with over 300 million simultaneous breaths, views, strengths and weaknesses. I can zero in on specific faces of this country--some that make me smile, others that make me angry; some that make me laugh, others that bring a tear to my eye; some I could do without, others I fall to my knees in gratitude for.

There are people among us and watching us from a distance who want to define this country by its mistakes. It's hard not to let them. We have certainly made our share. Besides specific instances--slavery, WWII internment camps, Abu Ghraib (just to name a few)--we as individuals and as a nation have also been guilty of bigotry, violence and--perhaps most unforgivably--ignorance.

It's important, however, that we remember a single snapshot does not a video make. Likewise, a single moment in time can seldom tell the story or assess the value of any entity's contribution to this world. I have watched our country be the first in line to help countries besieged by natural disasters or invaded by hostile neighbors. I have seen it strive to solve problems so complex other countries won't touch them--then be criticized for not handling it perfectly. I have seen it criticized for action, when no one can guess what inaction would have cost. I have seen our country open its doors for those needing medical treatment, a place of refuge or simply a new home. I have seen our country pull its neglected, abused and homeless children close, striving to set them on a better path. And, for all of this, I have seen it ask very little in return.

No, we can't get every moment right, we can't help everyone, we can't commit all our resources to every cause and every country... but why does that negate the good that has been done? We have cause to be  confident--not arrogant or cocky--, to be proud. We have good reason not to sit silently when confronted by those who judge us only by our mistakes.

As a person and as people who have absolutely no promise of ever being perfect... I can only hope that history will judge us not so much by the times we stumbled as by how we picked ourselves back up; not so much by our mistakes as by our accomplishments; and not so much for how we could have been better as by how we did do better.

I look at this country and I know we are wiser for the journey; stronger for it. That is something we should be very proud of, even as we continue to acknowledge and attempt to right any wrongs we've committed along the way.